Compact of Character: April Showers Bring May Flowers

There is an overused saying that goes, "April showers bring May flowers," and it usually annoys me the most when people say it smugly to me as I come in from a spring rainstorm, dripping, pincurls ruined, and unprepared with no umbrella.

Okay, so no one has ever said that to me in such a moment, but it's a good thing because I'd probably want to punch them in the face. RUINED PINCURLS ARE NO JOKE.

Anyway, I've also realized throughout my life that the sucky times, the hard times, and the worst times have shaped me the most.  They have sometimes shaped me positively, sometimes negatively, sometimes both at once.  (I'm about to get real here, so hold on!)

One of the hardest times of my life was when I was living in Egypt.  I moved from 93% white Springfield, MO to Cairo where I was suddenly the minority in every way, a feeling I had never experienced before.  I lived in an Egyptian neighborhood, not an ex-pat one, so I had to learn how to navigate a new culture and how to function in a big city, also new to me.

One of the biggest issues Egypt is facing is that of sexual harassment.  When I lived there, it became a daily occurrence I was unprepared to face.  Lude catcalls were sent my way most times I went outside my home, and inappropriate touching was an almost daily happening.  As my sister and I traveled the city together, I received more attention as the blonde, blue-eyed one in the pair.  Men often assumed that we, as white girls, were just like the white women they saw in Hollywood films: loose and promiscuous.  It didn't matter that we wore long sleeves and long skirts, fake wedding rings, and avoided eye contact with strangers.  We did our best to present ourselves as modest, virtuous women, as many Egyptian women strive to do.  But, as is the same in many Egyptian women's experience,  it didn't always make a difference.  There were times when I was legitimately afraid for our safety.

(I do want to take a moment to say that there were many men that did so much to help my sister and I, too.  Our three Egyptian "brothers" went out of their way to escort us home, protect us in crowds, and reprimand those who didn't respect us.  Men in my neighborhood treated us with kindness and let us know what prices were fair and where to find the best fruit.  There are plenty of men in Egypt who treat women with respect and are grieved by the sexual harassment pandemic.  Also, this problem is FAR less likely to occur in "touristy" areas, so if you're traveling there any time soon I wouldn't freak out.
I LOVED my time in Egypt overall and wouldn't trade it for the world. Just needed to say that.)

A few years into college, I was still struggling quite a lot in how to deal with these experiences.  I struggled with why God would ask my family to move to Egypt then allow bad things to happen to me on his watch.  I wondered if I would ever feel safe again.  So I did what struggling people should do... I sent myself to counseling!

As I spent a couple months with an amazing Christian counselor at my university, I let the feelings that I had pushed down for so long come up so I could work through them.  I learned so, so much about God's character as I asked him for answers and help in the process. I learned about myself; I healed.  I grew closer to my then-boyfriend, Jacob, who stood by me in the process.

And as I still continue the process of healing, I've realized that I'm not just being restored to who I was before.  I'm becoming stronger than I was before.  I'm braver, more aware, more capable, more resilient than I ever could have been without living in Egypt, with all of its ups and downs.

This month we're talking about becoming stronger through difficult times, and I'm very excited about the upcoming posts!

If you're willing to share, what is a difficult time in your life that has helped you become a stronger person?  

Compact of Character: Plant for the Future & Embracing Life's Peach Pits

March is about the time when those of us in wintery climates begin to get spring fever, at least... I have it bad.  This year I want to plant a "pot garden" (meaning plants in pots, not pot plants, ha!), so I'm thinking ahead to when I should plant, what to plant, etc.  I think about the foods I want to have later this year and what I will use them for, and I'll be working backwards on a plan of planting action.  

Life is actually a lot like this process.  We all have things we want to change about who we are, things we want to improve in or develop more.  We have thoughts like, "I'd love to do that someday," or "I hope I'm like her when I'm older," or "I wish I could get better at this."  It can be easy to have a disconnect between the "future me" and the "present me," especially in light of life developments that may take a long time or have lots of steps to get to the goal.  It can be simple to relegate our hopes of becoming better to a future wish instead of a present possibility.

But we just can't say, "I would love to have a peach tree in the yard," and ten years later, magically, one appears. We all know that's ridiculous to expect that!  Yet, for some reason, we expect our character to be like that.  We expect that, magically, somewhere down the road, we'll be a healthier, happier, stronger, kinder person all of a sudden.  Like a peach tree, today we have to plant the seeds of who we want to be if we expect to actually become that person in the future.

"But a peach pit sure ain't no peach tree!" some of you may say. That's true.  And it's true in life. I am not suddenly going to become wealthy when I decide to buy a cheaper coffee today. However, the perk of starting with a character "peach pit," as humble and small as it may seem, is that the peach pit has the potential to become a tree.  There is no tree without the seed. 

So this month we'll be working on planting character "peach pits," those small steps we oftentimes dismiss as not being enough or even worthy of effort because they're such a humble start. (You know, "Only a 15 minute workout? What good will that even do? I'll wait 'til I have an hour a day to start it.")  I'll have simple projects and small challenges that will hopefully jump start personal growth for you guys and help you plant a "peach pit" for who you want to be down the road.

What are some character traits or skills you really want to be better in, but you just haven't begun (or kept up the momentum)? Is there a small "peach pit" step you've dismissed as not being good enough for a real start?


P.S. I'm still figuring out my wardrobe woes, but hopefully I'll have some helpful tips and updates on it soon!

Compact of Character: Live Out Love

Ah, February.  The month of Valentine's Day, roses, and chocolate.  It's a wonderful thing.

February can be a difficult month, too, I've found.  I didn't date anyone until college, and I remember my best friend and I watching movies on Valentine's Day every year and eating cookie dough by the spoonful, each putting on our brave "I'm-a-powerful-single-lady-and-I-don't-need-no-man" faces and making each other amazing friend valentines.  While those were truly fun times, there was always a small pang of "I wish..." that went along with them.

Even those of us who are in relationships can still experience that "I wish" feeling during this month.  "I wish my husband would do nice things like that for me."  "I wish my love and I could be together today."  "I wish I didn't have to work on Valentine's Day."

While these wishes may be valid, we can quickly get sucked into a state of pity or discontentment during this time.  What a terrible way to celebrate a month about love!  You know what is one of the best ways to fight this self pity and have an amazing February?

Don't think about yourself.

It seems too easy, yet all at once too difficult to do, but I promise it works!  This month, take time to think of someone you love and show how much you care about him or her.  Bake cookies for your roommate, bring your friend coffee at work, pay for a game of paintball with your brother, write your grandmother a note.  Take some time to cherish someone this month and just see how it affects your outlook on and contentment with life!

I'd love to hear about the ways you cherish others this month!  Take a moment to tweet or Instagram about it and use the hashtag #compactofcharacter and/or tag me in it.  Throughout the month I'll post, regram, and retweet about the creative ways you guys find to appreciate others!

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Compact of Character: Starting Fresh & Asking Questions

I'm proud to present the writer of this post... my younger sister, Aria!  As I hinted at in my post about the plan for this year, she's a great writer and an incredibly wise lady, even at a younger age.  This is the first in a series that will introduce each month's theme here on the blog, beginning with January: Starting Fresh and Asking Questions.

Hey, Flashback Summer followers! Happy 2015! 

Before I get to how cool this year will be, let me first introduce myself. 

My name is Aria, and I ask a lot of questions. I love questions. Remember those email questionnaires that were popular in (my) elementary school days? The ones where you’d fill out all 1,500+ (slight exaggeration) questions about pointless things, like what your favorite color is, what your second child’s name will be, and your reflections on beef jerky? I may have filled out every one I received, and passed them on. Vain…maybe. Fun…for sure. 

Since my elementary days, though, I’ve learned to not only revel in answering questions but to also delight in asking questions, in discovering who people are and what makes their hearts sing (and maybe I also delight in being melodramatic—you tell me). I’ve learned to treasure people’s stories and to learn from them. 

So—you knew this was coming—what’s your story? 

The way I see it, this new year is a blank book, a blank page. There will be more on that later this month, but this blank book idea and talking about questions has stirred a new question in me: If you could have one question answered this year, what would it be? 

I have a feeling you probably got sassy just then and thought of something like, “Why does chocolate taste so good?” or “Why is Jimmy Fallon SO COOL?” Maybe that’s just me. 

Seriously, though, what question would you want answered? We know that some are impossible to answer, and some take a lot of time to reveal the answer. 

As a twenty-one year old college junior, two questions have surfaced in my mind time and again these days. Maybe you’ve considered them, too. 

WHO AM I? AND WHO AM I BECOMING?

Simple questions with profound ramifications. As I reflect on this new year and the idea of goals, I can’t help but wonder how these questions factor in. When I think of goals, a lot of times, I think of external achievements, like business deals, pounds lost, friends made, and dreams materialized. Effective goals have measurable ends, so it makes sense. These questions have lead me to think of something much longer-lasting, however. We’ve all seen, some even firsthand, the effects of people who seem to have it all, but are eventually ruined by their character, or lack thereof. Weaknesses and character flaws can be uncomfortable and even painful to look at, so it is easy to put them aside and make excuses for them. They can only be ignored for so long, however, before the cracks begin to show and something breaks, sometimes breaking apart families, businesses, organizations, or communities.

So, who are you? And who are you becoming? 

Have you considered these questions as you decide what to focus on this year? This new type of post here on Flashback Summer is called "Compact of Character," and it exists because we all have room for improvement. In a production-driven society it’s easy to push character development to the fringes, but in the long run, deciding who you want to be and what you will value in life will help to give you direction, focus, and authenticity in your lifestyle, today and into the future. 

I ask again, who are you? And who are you becoming? 

A deep question to begin our blog friendship, but I don’t ask questions I’m not willing to answer. One of my answers has to do with what I eat and why. Although I strive towards healthy eating habits, I have a tendency to eat my feelings. This year, I’m changing that. Some of my greatest and deepest questions have been answered by discovering Jesus’ love for me, so instead of turning to Ben and Jerry for comfort, I’m making a practical effort to find more freedom by turning to Jesus first. 

I mentioned before that I would talk about how cool this year is going to be. Oh, friend, it’s going to be cool. It’s going to be fun sometimes and painful other times, peaceful sometimes and stressful sometimes, but wildly beautiful all the same. Your character is going to affect your response to everything life brings this year.

So, let me ask you: who are you? And who are you becoming?